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Tuesday, 11 September 2007

Hard Consideration (Part I)

It’s a real nice world when we know that there are many people love us. It’s nice to know more about those who love us sincerily. It’s nice to realize they also care about us, just they way we are, real the way I am.

But that will not be my focus this early morning. I just shared to some friends, talking a bit about my planning to resign from 2 places I teach. Let me check my writing about considering quitting from the places.

The first and the only place that I WILL NEVER leave it till the time comes is beloved Radio Station where I grew my hobby *is it hobby, to broadcast?* and I could share my idea and sometimes blank opinion without any preparation but still had some listeners, even LOYAL listeners!

The second place, *that recently made me a bit disappointed and consists of ‘that creature’ who now has implemented my priceless idea into HER family COMPANY* is, yeaaa that place. I will not mention the name. Hmm, I am considering leaving it, step by step. Absolutely I also WILL NOT soon leave it, because the memory of being ‘attacked’ still exists in heart. I need time to do. Besides also my students still need me to be loved *oh yeas, they love me, as I love them*.

The third place that I CAN’T leave is my beloved SCHOOL *the place where I had, and have so many memories, almost in every room!*. Now, I am not the student anymore, but I am the friend of the students. I can’t say that I am the teacher, because I do not deserve to be called as a teacher there. I am still blue about teaching them *who sometimes still call me ‘kakak’, but some call me ‘ibu’ (hooowh, I have told them not to call me ‘ibu’ because I am not an ‘ibu-ibu’ yet!*. Absolutely, I can’t leave my school eventhough there’s no black white document to be signed. I think, I do not need that, because I know exactly what should I do and how should I treat my students, by supervising from my beloved teachers there. They love me much, as I do love them much.

The forth place that I NEVER have any stupid though to leave it is MUCELL. It’s the most prestigious place for me, because I find ‘UNIVERSITY’ titled inside the name. Imagine, a university student *who has not finished her study yet*, dares to be the tutor *is it tutor? Not instructor yet, I think* for UNIVERSITY students, even for some lecturers of the UNIVERSITY! Blebh… I am sinking, sinking in my confusing and my confidence. Haha, am I too much having this confidence? Or am I too *a bit narciss, no problem yes? It’s my own pages, OK!*, recommended and energetic and urgently required? Heheh, too narciss sometimes can make me snobbish. STOP THAT. In conclusion, I will not do silly thing like leaving the beloved Learning Centre will be. It’s one of my ambitions to be one of the staffs in Learning Centre.

The fifth place, which recently I join, is also my dream place to join with. How come I leave the place where I want to be there? This place is also a bit prestigious, and the most important is BETTER than the second place. It will be so much impolite if I leave the place where I just come into it, while I am still in training process. And how much I will repent myself if I leave it? It’s my next pace to have better carrer than before; Allah gives me the way, to be better. Hopefully it will be for dunniya wal akhirat.

Nah, which one I will quit from? Let me read it once more. *I was reading, and considering again*.

Well, seems that even before I read it, I decided to quit from the second place, first. It’s pure not because of ‘that creature’. It’s not because of I dislike her way in managing THE FAMILY COMPANY. I never set me as her workers. I am the teacher of my beloved students there, they who love me as I do *even when I quit teaching there, I think they will quit studying there!*. My consideration to quit is more because I want to be focus on my studying. Now I am in 5th semester. It seems that this semester needs very work hard. I do not need to look for any experience by teaching there anymore, and skip what I should do for my study at night. What a stupid me will be!

I can’t forget that my first experience of teaching in a classroom formally happened there. However, I do not think that by quitting from that place, means I am the peanut who leaves the shelter *is that the right transformation of a proverb? Whatever, you must get what I mean hmmhmm*. I wanna quit because I wanna be free at night. No intention of killing her *’that creature, I mean’* with brain. It’s not the time, and maybe no blood to spend just to do unimportant thing as killing an unimportant woman like her.

OK. Let’s go back to my case. I think it will be the last decision to leave my second place. Systematically, actually here it is my priority place:

1. My third place, beloved school, beloved MAN 2.
2. My first place, the place where I can improve my hobby, share my idea, speak my English as well.
3. My forth place, MUCELL. Although it’s very been a long time I had no meeting with beloved buddies *as K’ Diar stated for 5 of us*, I think MUCELL will be a great place to impove me, academically and socially.
4. My fifth place. Have no reason.
5. My second place. It deserves to get it.

So, I consider going out from number 4 and number 5. What makes me think it twice, actually? This night, I will tell why. It’s already been almost 2 a.m. I need to sleep now.

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